The season of giving is quickly approaching. It becomes a motto that everyone chants, and generally, it is a way of life that betters our society. Charitable giving boosts spirits and possibly health and wellness, but what happens when a person over-gives? What does it even mean to give too much?
Over-giving is a term most commonly linked to Empaths; however, it does not solely impact this type of person. Over-giving can be a trait within anyone, and includes any type of giving – physically, mentally, or emotionally. Empaths tend to naturally react to stress physiologically, which can have physical health consequences. Understanding that over-giving is the opposite of giving to yourself (aka ‘filling your own cup’), if you are an empath, you are at an even greater risk of experiencing the negative effects of over-giving.
Multiple studies have linked empathy to over-giving, and these are both linked to ‘burn out.’ Once burn out occurs, the immune system is triggered, depression flares, and a person is at higher risk of illness – both physically and mentally.
Over-givers are generally giving because they are:
- truly thinking they are helping someone or something
- hoping for something in return
- wanting to be appreciated
- wanting to be loved
- needing to feel good about themselves
- wanting to be seen
- thinking nobody else is able
- constantly feeling guilty
When one over-gives, they think they are giving because it is the right thing to do – or worse, that they have to do it, when (whether they know it or not) there is another, deeper routed issue. They go against their own needs and break their own boundaries, causing a downward spiral of personal guilt, shame, and inability to balance life healthily. Of course, this leads to lowered self-esteem.
“Over-giving tends to come not from generosity, but from hidden needs. It is an energetic transaction where we expect a return, even if that is just praise, appreciation, or to stop feeling guilty. And when we give too much, we feel depleted, not energized. We might even feel annoyed at ourselves or with the other person.”
Thanks to recent research, we now understand that military spouses’ empathy for their spouses is a risk factor for their own mental health. However, there has yet to be a call to action for this heightened risk, nor has further research been published on the link between a military spouse over-giving herself through empathy or due to stress. The research also highlights that women have a higher chance of being under empathic concern and personal distress dispositions.
If you are an Empath, you also have great strengths. Reading other’s energy can be exhausting, yes, but with strong boundaries, you can utilize your trait in a healthy and powerful manner. You can become an Empowered Empath. This means that you…
“know you are not responsible for someone else’s destructive behavior; you know how to show compassion from a distance if you need to; and most importantly, you honor yourself enough to cherish and expect reciprocity as a must-have in your relationships. You know how to engage in radical self-care, with the full conviction that the more you learn to care for yourself, the more you’ll have to give to others. You can follow through with your boundaries and are able to cut off toxic interactions before they have a chance to escalate.”
If you are not yet feeling empowered with your boundaries, know that it will take time and practice with implementing them, but boundaries will keep you balanced. Saying no will become easier over time.
If you have found yourself in a relationship where you are over-giving, reevaluate your energy. Chronic fatigue, cold symptoms, frequent stomach pain, depression, anxiety, and weight fluctuation are all signs that your body is not in balance due to a burn out, which all stems from your over-giving. Again, boundaries are needed.
Taking time to fill your own cup and devote your personal energy on your own personal self may seem impossible, but it is needed for you to ever truly find balance – and feel complete.
When was the last time you received a good hug? How about the last time you gave someone a good hug?
A hug only takes seconds, but most adults feel as though the act is too personal to share with others on a daily basis; however, this mindset needs to shift because science is showing us just how important a simple hug is. Research shows a proper deep hug, where the hearts are pressing together, can benefit you in many ways.
Under high psychological stress, we are more likely to get sick. Knowing that a heartfelt hug can decrease stress levels, do you believe that hugs can help keep you stay physically healthy? Science believes this may be true, at least when it comes to the link between stress and illness. Researchers investigated the relationship of hugging, social support, and the probability of getting sick in 404 volunteers. The participants were called every evening for 14 days and asked if they had been hugged that day. There was a clear relationship with individuals who had been hugged more also feeling like they received greater social support. After the two weeks, the participants were invited to an isolated floor of a local hotel and were quarantined in separate rooms. The researchers gave them nasal drops containing a virus that caused common-cold-like illnesses. The results were amazing. How often somebody had been hugged clearly influenced their infection risk. Participants who had been hugged more had a decreased risk of infection, and out of those who were infected, those who had been hugged more had less severe symptoms.
Including hugs in your day is also linked to a happy lifestyle. We release the hormone oxytocin when touched, which elevates feelings of attachment, connection, trust, and intimacy. A 2018 study showed how hugs impact negative situations. Several hundred adults were called every night for two weeks and asked about conflicts with other people in their lives, whether they felt in a good or bad mood, and whether they had received one or more hugs that day. If participants received a hug on a day in which they had gotten into an argument with someone, the conflict appeared to lead to a smaller increase in bad mood. The hugs also had a protective effect, meaning that the participants who received a hug on one day and got into a fight the next day had experienced a smaller increase in bad mood than when not having received a hug the day before. Again, hugging has a huge impact on the psychological effects that stress causes.
When you include hugging in your everyday life, you are benefitting in the following ways:
- Lowering blood pressure, protecting against heart disease.
- Balancing the nervous system.
- Strengthening your immune system.
- Encouraging honest, deeper connections.
- Keeping you young and maintaining muscle strength.
- Lowering stress levels.
- Reducing feelings of pain
- Boosting self-esteem.
- Reducing feelings of depression.
- Releasing tension and relaxing the muscles.
- Providing the skin contact that bodies need to remain healthy.
- Healing feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger.
- Increasing feelings of happiness.
Suicide is still the tenth leading cause of death and the rate of suicide in 2016 increased by 1.2 percent. In 2015, the last year the CDC released mortality data, there were 44,193 suicide deaths; in 2016 there were 44,965, an increase of 772 additional deaths.
While the average number of suicides per day are the lowest throughout the months of November and December, the number begins to climb again in January, February, and March – peeking throughout the spring each year. The holiday season tends to bring with it a contagious joy and celebration, typically including family, friends, and happy gatherings. However, it is also a season of stress, anxiety, loneliness, heartache, and disappointment. When you mix these feelings with someone living with depression, it can possibly trigger a chain reaction that ends in a devastating outcome. Harvard professor of psychology Matthew Nock cited a study published in JAMA Psychiatry that found that as hours of sunlight increased, so did the risk of suicide. The authors hypothesize that sunlight could boost energy and motivation, giving people who are depressed the ability to take action and make a suicide attempt.
When someone is depressed, they often withdraw and self-isolate. However, during the holidays, there is an emphasis on spending time with family and friends, which can be particularly difficult when you do not feel that you are truly connected to these people. This pertains to many types of depression, including: clinical depression, seasonal affective disorder, or bipolar disorder.
People with depression tend to have a negative view of themselves and their lives, this is true ever when they know:
- No one has a perfect life.
- Social media is not an accurate account of true life.
It is important for those living with a mental health condition to take extreme care of their own needs. If you or a loved one has a mental illness, please work closely with a trusted doctor and therapist regularly, especially during the holidays. Begin a journal of your daily feelings, as it is easy to forget your exact emotions from day to day.
Beating the Holiday Blues
Unlike chronic depression, seasonal depression does not linger long after the holidays or winter months, but it can still cause you to feel the same symptoms as someone who lives with it every day. A lot of seasonal factors can trigger the holiday blues such as: less sunlight, changes in your diet or routine, alcohol, over-commercialization, or the inability to be with friends or family – or worse, being forced into gatherings with people who do not make you feel happy.
Signs you may have the “Holiday Blues”:
- crying spells
- Mood swings
- trouble concentrating
- body aches
- loss of sex drive
- decreased activity level
- overeating (especially of carbohydrates)
- weight gain.
How to help yourself:
- Find increased social support during this time of year. Counseling or support groups can also be beneficial.
- In addition to being an important step in preventing the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder, regular exposure to light that is bright, particularly fluorescent lights, significantly improves depression in people with SAD during the fall and winter.
- Setting realistic goals and expectations, reaching out to friends, sharing tasks with family members, finding inexpensive ways to enjoy yourself, and helping others are all ways to help beat holiday stress.
- Including proper supplements daily, along side of a healthy diet and exercise can improve your mood and lesson your symptoms.
- Make realistic expectations for the holiday season.
- Set realistic goals for yourself.
- Pace yourself. Do not take on more responsibilities than you can handle.
- Make a list and prioritize the important activities. This can help make holiday tasks more manageable.
- Be realistic about what you can and cannot do.
- Do not put all your energy into just one day (for example, Thanksgiving Day, New Year’s Eve). The holiday cheer can be spread from one holiday event to the next.
- Live “in the moment” and enjoy the present.
- Look to the future with optimism.
- Don’t set yourself up for disappointment and sadness by comparing today with the “good old days” of the past.
- If you are lonely, try volunteering some of your time to help others.
- Find holiday activities that are free, such as looking at holiday decorations, going window shopping without buying, and watching the winter weather, whether it’s a snowflake or a raindrop.
- Limit your consumption of alcohol, since excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression.
- Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.
- Spend time with supportive and caring people.
- Reach out and make new friends.
- Make time to contact a long lost friend or relative and spread some holiday cheer.
- Make time for yourself!
- Let others share the responsibilities of holiday tasks.
- Keep track of your holiday spending. Overspending can lead to depression when the bills arrive after the holidays are over. Extra bills with little budget to pay them can lead to further stress and depression.
If you are thinking about suicide, or if you are worries about someone else, please get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that’s related to changes in seasons. SAD begins and ends at about the same times every year. If you’re like most people with SAD, your symptoms start in the fall and continue into the winter months; draining your energy and making you feel moody.
Typically, symptoms progressively worsen throughout the fall and winter months, as the days shorten and exposure to natural daylight lessens.
Those suffering from SAD feel depressed, irritable, and tired. Their activity levels decrease and they find themselves in bed more often. This depression disorder not only affects their health, but it also affects their everyday life, including their job performance and friendships.
Seasonal Affective Disorder is a subtype of major depression.
Symptoms of major depression may be part of SAD, such as:
- Feeling depressed most of the day, nearly every day
- Feeling hopeless or worthless
- Having low energy
- Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed
- Having problems with sleeping
- Experiencing changes in your appetite or weight
- Feeling sluggish or agitated
- Having difficulty concentrating
- Having frequent thoughts of death or suicide
A diagnosis of SAD can be made after three consecutive winters of symptoms if they are also followed by complete remission in the spring and summer months.
Symptoms linked only to SAD (not full depression): http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/sad
- Depression: misery, guilt, loss of self-esteem, hopelessness, despair, and apathy
- Anxiety: tension and inability to tolerate stress
- Moodchanges: extremes of mood, especially dealing with rejection
- Sleep problems: desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake or, sometimes, disturbed sleep and early morning waking
- Irritability: Cranky feelings towards others
- Lethargy: feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
- Feeling Heavy: The arms and legs feel heavier and harder to utilize
- Overeating, Appetite Changes, and Weight Gain: craving for starchy and sweet foods resulting in weight gain
- Socialproblems: irritability and desire to avoid social contact
- Sexualproblems: loss of libido and decreased interest in physical contact
What Causes Seasonal Affective Disorder (Seasonal Depression)?
As sunlight has affected the seasonal activities of animals for as long as we have researched, SAD may be an effect of this seasonal light variation in humans. Animals hibernate and/or tend to have a change in reproductive cycles, along with diet changes and activity and energy decreases. There seems to be a shift if the human’s biological internal clock (circadian rhythm) due to the changes in light exposure on a daily basis. Even though the temperatures are dropping, and many people want to place blame on this changing air, SAD is linked to the lack of daylight and not freezing temperatures. Sunlight triggers and limits the hormone melatonin, which regulates sleep. An over-supply of melatonin is linked to symptoms of depression. The sleep-related hormone is secreted by the pineal gland in the brain and is produced at increased levels in the dark. Therefore, when the days are shorter and darker the production of this hormone increases.
The specific cause of seasonal affective disorder remains unknown. Some factors that may come into play include:
- Your biological clock
- Melatonin levels
- Serotonin levels: A drop in serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that affects mood, might play a role in SAD. Reduced sunlight can cause a drop in serotonin that may trigger depression.
Factors that may increase your risk of seasonal affective disorder include: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/12/11/surprising-facts-about-seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/
- Being female.SAD is diagnosed more often in women than in men, but men may have more-severe symptoms.
- The highest probability of experiencing SAD is between the ages of 18-55.
- Family history.People with SAD may be more likely to have blood relatives with SAD or another form of depression.
- Having clinical depression or bipolar disorder.Symptoms of depression may worsen seasonally if you have one of these conditions.
- Living far from the equator.SAD appears to be more common among people who live far north or south of the equator. This may be due to decreased sunlight during the winter and longer days during the summer months.
Effects of Seasonal Depression
Hypersomnia: Over-Sleeping may sound like a luxury, but in turn, it can wreak havoc on your body. A domino effect takes place when the body goes into hibernation-mode.
Binge Eating Disorder (BED): Eating pathology in Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may be more severe than hyperphagia during winter. Although research has documented elevated rates of subclinical binge eating in women with SAD, the prevalence and correlates of BED in SAD remain largely uncharacterized. High rates of co-occurrence between binge eating and SAD suggest that there may be common etiological pathways underlying susceptibility to both conditions. For example, dopamine signaling is hypothesized to affect the emergence of binge eating behavior across various disorders, including SAD and BED. Dopamine is thought to participate in the reinforcement of behaviors such as eating that enhance subjective pleasure. Individual differences in dopamine signaling may promote winter binge eating by strengthening the coupling of palatable foods such as carbohydrates to their hedonic effect. Therefore, it is possible that abnormalities in dopaminergic processing may increase risk for binge eating in both SAD and BED. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4019042/
Treating and Preventing SAD
Knowing that you are at risk and how to help, will ease the stress of the months ahead.
Chiropractic Care: Those suffering from SAD can greatly benefit from chiropractic treatment. Due to emotional, physical and mental stress caused by Seasonal Affective Disorder, many patients have unfortunately triggered misalignments in their spine. Chiropractic care is a drug-free, natural approach to treat those with SAD by bringing the spine back into alignment and improving the function of the whole body. When the spinal joints are aligned and working properly, the brain is able to communicate effectively and efficiently with the entire body. In addition to pain resumption, proper alignment of the spine helps to improve sleep function, mood and energy which often affect SAD patients.
Vitamin D: Multiple studies and ample research all prove that VitaminD drops drastically during the fall and winter months. With this drop, the body’s immune system is at risk for illness, major depression, and seasonal affective disorder. One study shows that a group of individuals suffering from SAD benefitted more from increasing their Vitamin D supplements than from the photo light therapy. “All subjects receiving vitamin D improved in all outcome measures. The phototherapy group showed no significant change in depression scale measures. Vitamin D status improved in both groups (74% vitamin D group, p < 0.005 and 36% phototherapy group, p < 0.01). Improvement in 25-OH D was significantly associated with improvement in depression scale scores (r2=0.26; p=0.05).” http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10888476
Light Therapy: Effectiveness of phototherapy is showed in nearly all controlled studies. Bright light appears to be most effective for patients with mild SAD. One study shows significant differences found when comparing the scores after the baseline with the three-onlight exposures using the repeat light therapy. Depression scores after 40 minutes of light were lower than after 20 minutes http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2913518/ and http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18053580
Himalayan Salt Lamps: Our air contains an abundance of positive ions. Anything that is electrically charged contains positive ions; computer screens, televisions, telephones, etc. are all sources of positive ions in the air. Research shows that positive ions can cause feelings of lethargy, fatigue, and even depression. There are natural sources that increase positive ions as well, such as full moons, which accounts for the strange and aggressive behavior noted by medical services and police. Studies show that 75% of the population is noticeably and adversely affected by positive ion ratios. Salt lamps can help bring emotional balance into our lives because they generate negative ions, which help us to feel more energized and uplifted. In fact, rock salt crystal is known as one of the most efficient emitters of negative ions. Generally, the more negative ions you are exposed to, the better you feel!
Specific Salt Lamps for Seasonal Depression: (In coordination with the blue light therapy)
Get Outside: Whenever possible, get outside during daylight hours and expose yourself to the sun without wearing sunglasses (but never stare directly at the sun).
- Take a short walk outdoors or have your coffee outside if you can stay warm enough.
- Increase the amount of natural light in your home and workplace by opening blinds and drapes and sitting near windows.
- Some people find that painting walls in lighter colors or using daylight simulation bulbs also helps combat winter SAD.
Exercise: Regular exercise is a powerful way to fight seasonal depression, especially if you’re able to exercise outside in natural daylight. http://www.helpguide.org/articles/exercise-fitness/emotional-benefits-of-exercise.htm
- Regular exercise can boost serotonin, endorphins, and other feel-good brain chemicals. In fact, exercise can treat mild to moderate depression as effectively as antidepressant medication.
- Exercise can also help to improve your sleep and boost your self-esteem.
- Aim for 30 to 60 minutes of activity on most days. Even something as simple as walking a dog, for example, can be good exercise for you and the animal, as well as a great way to get outdoors and interact with other people.
Ask for Support: Close relationships are vital in reducing isolation and helping you manage SAD. Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. It may feel more comfortable to retreat into your shell, but being around other people will boost your mood. Even if you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect or start new relationships.
- Call or email an old friend to meet for coffee. Or reach out to someone new—a work colleague or neighbor, for example. Most of us feel awkward about reaching out, but be the one to break the ice.
- Join a support group for depression. Sometimes, just talking about what you’re going through can help you feel better. Being with others who are facing the same problems can help reduce your sense of isolation and provide inspiration to make positive changes.
- Meet new people with a common interest by taking a class, joining a club, or enrolling in a special interest group that meets on a regular basis. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something that’s fun for you.
- Volunteer your time. Helping others is one of the best ways to feel better about yourself, expand your social network, and overcome SAD.
Diet: Eating small, well-balanced meals throughout the day, with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, will help you keep your energy up and minimize mood swings.
- While the symptoms of SAD can make you crave sugary foods and simple carbohydrates, such as pasta and white bread, complex carbohydrates are a better choice. Foods such as oatmeal, whole grain bread, brown rice, and bananas can boost your feel-good serotonin levels without the subsequent sugar crash. Even better, cut gluten from your diet. If you are still struggling, try to cut dairy as well.
- Foods rich in certain omega-3 fats—such as oily fish, walnuts, soybeans, and flaxseeds—can also improve your mood and may even boost the effectiveness of antidepressant medication.
Destress: Whatever the time of year, too much stress can exacerbate or even trigger depression. Figure out the things in your life that stress you out, such as work overload or unsupportive relationships, and make a plan to avoid them or minimize their impact.
- Practicing daily relaxation techniques can help you manage stress, reduce negative emotions such as anger and fear, and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation.
- Do something you enjoy every day. Having fun is a great stress buster, so make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be painting, playing the piano, working on your car, or simply hanging out with friends.